


Nothing Special

by dabforpalermo



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Anxiety, Crying, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Nobody is Dead, not written though because they are kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:55:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29369625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dabforpalermo/pseuds/dabforpalermo
Summary: Todd has some late night worries. Neil is going to try his hardest to soothe him.
Relationships: Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 3
Kudos: 64





	Nothing Special

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work in this fandom! I love these boys and this film, so I wanted to write something about it. Rated teen and up for implied sexual content and minor swearing. Title is from the song Jealous by Eyedress.

Todd feels Neil’s nose nudge against his collarbone, most likely in a deep state of rest, but his mind is unable to calm. It’s usually not like this. In most instances, Todd would be out like a light the second he laid in bed with Neil, but tonight, his thoughts are keeping him side away. 

“Todd?”

Neil’s voice is soft, mumbled and thick with exhaustion. Todd blinks up at the ceiling and closes his eyes as a tear falls down his cheek. 

“Why ‘re you still awake?”

Todd inhales through his nose. “I’m alright, Neil. Go back to sleep.”

Neil would usually follow the order, tired and sore and especially worn out after the last couple hours, when the two finally got some alone time to give into their needs. Neil held him through it. Todd cried and told him he loved him. Neil said it back. 

But this time is different. Even Neil, blissful and optimistic Neil, can tell when something is off with his favourite boy. 

“What’s wrong?”

Todd brings his hand up to wipe at his eyes, but the damage is already done. “Nothing.”

Neil detaches himself from Todd and sits up, leaning over to turn on this lamp. He can barely admire the work of dark bruises on Todd’s chest and neck, because the man is crying. And Neil doesn’t like when Todd cries. 

Todd presses his palms to his eyes, sitting up and pulling his knees to his chest. His body shakes with silent sobs, and Neil can’t do anything but stare at him, because god, he’s so pretty, even when he’s a mess. 

“Baby…”

The nickname is something new. They have nicknames for everyone, but Todd has always just been Todd. He expressed his displeasure with this fact a while ago, and Neil had thought carefully before peppering him in cliche pet names, causing the boy to giggle and turn a bright red. Todd has never been appreciated before, and that’s going to change, whether he’s ready or not. 

“Hey, Todd, look at me.”

Neil likes eye contact. Todd does not. He can respect boundaries, especially with Todd, but he’s been trying to work on calming him down by looking at each other. When Todd locks himself in the darkness of his mind, he gets scared, and Neil wants to drag him away from the pit, and show him in the best way he can that he’s Neil Perry, damnit, and his eyes can heal wounds and move mountains. Todd is shy about compliments, but he never spares the opportunity to mention how pretty his eyes are. 

Neil reaches out and gently tugs Todd’s hands away from his eyes, squeezing the sturdy palms carefully. He ducks his head to look him in the eyes, a frown set on his face. 

“Todd, what’s wrong?”

Todd goes to wipe at his face but Neil beats him to it, cupping his cheeks and rubbing his thumbs over the wet tracks on his face. Todd brings his hands up and holds them on the outside of Neil’s, sniffling wetly. 

“I’m sorry.”

Neil shakes his head. “Why are you sorry?”

“I don’t..”

Neil’s mouth moves into a straight line. “You know what we’ve said about apologizing without a reason.”

“Yeah.”

“And what is that?”

Todd sniffles again. “I don’t- I don’t have to be sorry for existing.”

Neil smiles, leaning forward to kiss his forehead. He adjusts the two so Todd can slouch in between his legs, holding the boy close and pressing soft kisses to his hair. 

“Now, you must tell me what’s the matter. I’m getting concerned.”

Todd turns his face toward Neil’s chest, mumbling something incoherently.

“Words, darling.”

He repeats it, this time slightly more audible, but Neil still has to hold his breath to hear him. 

“You could have anyone. Why do you want me?”

The question hangs in the air for a few beats. Neil exhales slowly and brings his hand to the back of Todd’s head, turning his attention back to him. 

“Well, what a loaded question.”

Todd blinks as another tear falls down his face. 

“Now, you don’t think you deserve good things. Am I correct?”

Todd looks down at the bedsheets. 

“You lock yourself away and abandon your feelings for the sake of others. You are the most selfless person I have ever met, Todd. You have the deepest sense of love that has ever existed in this world, and though you may not speak your mind, it is wonderfully intelligent. Have I ever told you, about the day in Keating’s class, when you demonstrated the most barbaric yawp I have ever heard?”

Todd feels his cheeks heat up at the mention of that day. He pulls away from Neil and sits across from him, taking a deep breath. 

“I didn’t know what love was, exactly. I loved the club. I loved my mother. But I didn’t know romance. That day, when you stood in that class, and against your own will, you looked inside yourself and delivered the most beautiful poem I have ever heard.”

“What about Walt-“

“Fuck Walt Whitman,” Neil smiles, taking hold of Todd’s hands again. “My favourite poet is Todd Anderson.”

Todd giggles a little, his breathing still a little uneven. 

“You are the greatest worst dancer I have seen. You know your moral compass better than anyone else. You hold yourself to such a high standard, and though I want to smack you sometimes for how hard on yourself you are, I respect you like no other,” Neil brings his hand up to his mouth and holds it against his lips. “Plus, I have gathered some new information today.”

Todd can’t hide the smile from his face. “What?”

“You are quite the lover, Mr. Anderson.”

Todd blushes, pulling his hand back and swatting near Neil. Neil laughs loudly and jumps forward, practically tackling Todd back onto the bed. They switch the position from earlier, Neil tugging Todd to lay on his naked chest, running his fingers through the blonde hair. 

“You ask yourself  _ why  _ I want to be with you, and it’s not a matter of want,” Neil tilts Todd’s chin up with a finger, knowing at that angle, he probably looks less than desirable, but if there is one thing he wants Todd to hear, it is this. “It is a matter of need.”

Todd’s eyes soften, and he turns back to press his nose into Neil’s neck. 

“I love you, Todd. Because you ask these questions. Because you think so lowly of yourself. Because you will always, without a doubt, be my best inspiration.”

Todd wants to speak, wants to share his thoughts and feelings, but he can’t. He connects his lips to a spot on Neil’s skin, relishing in the small hum that comes out of Neil’s mouth. 

“Now go to sleep, dummy. We have to present tomorrow.”

“Neil?”

Neil clicks the lamp off and resumes their cuddling position. “Yes?”

“I love you, too.”

Neil smiles in the dark, and he kisses Todd softly before closing his eyes. Todd may not be able to speak, but by god, can he write. 

And he will. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, let me know if you would like to see anything else with this lovely pairing :)


End file.
